I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize