I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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