Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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