Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
