Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
