I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so explain again why im purple
no
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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