ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Four minutes until I can fart!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
