I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
