The best revenge is premature balding
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
