Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
