also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
did i just pee glitter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
