Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
