he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
