I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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