i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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