I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
