Soap is not a condiment
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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