dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
