Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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