I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
