Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
