my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
