If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
