I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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