I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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