This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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