Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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