I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
