I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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