Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just want to make out with him forever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
