YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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