Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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