I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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