he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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