do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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