I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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