My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
