So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
