Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
