super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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