She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
