it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I believe in your delicious
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
