see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
