mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
