people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
