I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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