I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
