dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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