I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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