so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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