I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
