I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
