NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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