I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
