is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i barfeds in our rink
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
time to smoke my breakfast
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
