are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
