FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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