just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
