I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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