Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
