would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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