I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
