It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
