In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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