So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
