overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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