There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
