Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
