Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
