I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
