You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
